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Especially if they're devote enough to expect you to marry in heaven, huge implications with that one. It would be ludicrous to think otherwise. I would find it therapeutic to type out all of my feelings and at the same time he would get an update.
Would she want you to attend church with her. I am the wife of a general surgeon in his mid 50s. I work part time from home and am involved in a church fortunately, but I miss my husband. Also, I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you with that guy: I'm sure you will meet someone else that's just as wonderful but treats you better if you haven't yet. The gold is in the footnotes and sources linked from those new essays.